”War is good for business.”
—The 34th Rule of Acquisition1
In today’s episode, when the Grand Nagus puts an Orb of the Prophets on eBay, the Bajorans’ max bid gets auto-beaten. But when they respond by booting all Ferengi from their space, Quark and Rom spend their summer at camp—and it ain’t Anawanna. How good was Odo in keyboarding class? Who, what, or where is Rokeg? And why do I have to wait six to eight weeks for my Space Etsy order to arrive? All this and more in The 34th Rule, the book that teases us with the Nechayev tea.
In today’s episode, while Quark prepares for a transaction with a new customer, Jake Sisko is itching to get his learner’s permit. But when the runabout gets knocked into the Gamma Quadrant with Ben’s baby on board, he’ll have to lay down arms to machine-learn his way to a solution. Can Kira keep the s___ of five aggrieved parties away from the fan? Is Quark making rookie mistakes? Would Sisko have been a good teacher? All this and more in Trial by Error, the book that knows there’s always time for a snooze.
In today’s episode, Quark is back to shill some more useless bathroom-library fodder, and this time he’s decided two showrunners are better than one. But this may be a case where less turns out to be more. What are the best word game rules? Which parts of the 90s are better off left behind? And why did I have to pay so much money for this? All this and more in Legends of the Ferengi, the book that’s actually an Excellent on the Quark scale.
This week, when Bashir agrees to gamble on a telepath’s behalf, he breaks more than just the bank. When entire ships and moons start disappearing, Dax and Kira have to wrestle with the forces of chaos itself to bring them back. What’s the deal with Complexity Theory? What are Ferengi priests like? And is the closest point of comparison for this book really that episode? All this and more in The Laertian Gamble, the book that’s brought to you by Meat Product 62!
This week, Quark overcomes the considerable handicap of being a fictional character to bring the accumulated wisdom of his species (or at least a fraction of it) to our bookshelves. But it remains to be seen whether this light sampling of alien aphorisms is worth the latinum. Do the Rules hit different in a book? Is “sexual icon” a value judgment one can make about oneself? And what does Forrest Gump have to do with any of this? All this and more in The Ferengi Rules of Acquisition, coming soon to a theater near you!