In today’s episode, Riker realizes the only way to get the Calamarain off his back might be a little cloud-on-cloud action. Meanwhile, Picard continues to squirm in his front-row seat to Q’s early struggles with peer pressure. Is Q wearing a Starfleet uniform stolen valor? What does civilian parlance reveal about their attitudes about various races? And what are the contents of a soiled Q diaper? All this and more in Q-Zone, the book that doesn’t know “The Laughing Vulcan and His Dog”, but if you hum a few bars…

Q-Zone
Author: Greg Cox
Series: Q Continuum 2 of 3
Published: August 1998
Pages: 270
Timeline: Immediately following Q-Space
Prerequisites: All previous prerequisites apply here as well. Additionally, the Tkon Empire, featured very prominently here, was originally mentioned
Borrowable on Archive.org? Weirdly, no
Not to be confused with: The P’Zone, an off-and-on Pizza Hut menu item of some notoriety

Last time on Star Trek: The Next Generation, the Enterprise-E pulled up to the galactic barrier to try punching a hole through it via an artificial wormhole, only to be advised to turn around and go home by none other than Q. He wouldn’t say why, just that they should. But Picard needed more justification than none for calling off a major science experiment, so Q whisked him away, leaving Riker to contend with the cloudy Calamarain, who were also very insistent, in their own tachyon-based way, that the Enterprise not breach the galactic barrier. On Q’s episode of “This Was My Life”, we met another incredibly powerful being who called himself Zero, who seemed to be on some unidentified patch of hard luck, but clearly saw Q as his meal ticket. The Continuum doesn’t like Zero, but tolerates his presence as long as Q agrees to take responsibility for him.

At the end of Q-Space, it’s hinted that Zero is the one who introduced Q to the idea of testing more primitive cultures, and that’s the thread Q-Zone picks up on. At first, they try testing the Calamarain, in those days known as the Coulalakritous. He tries to enslave them to use them for the warp speed capability he lacks, but they overcome him. He accuses them of “cheating” at his “test” and goes ham on them by freezing them with an arctic blast that takes them millions of years to thaw out of; the only reason they don’t die is because of Q’s intervention. It’s an early hint that Zero is a major sore loser, and it’s no wonder the Calamarain have it out for Q in modern times.

Zero summons some friends through the Guardian of Forever in a darkly amusing scene where he essentially threatens the Guardian “this is how this is gonna go down, capisce?” and the Guardian says “YOUR MEANING IS COMPREHENDED.” He calls on Gorgan, a smarmy angeloid with frightening powers of suggestion, (*), a crimson energy sphere that feeds on hatred, and The One, a gold-armored man who behaves like Old Testament God with the wrath turned up to eleven. Q suggests they test the Tkon Empire, a decently advanced race who are working on a project called the Great Endeavor, which will swap out their dying sun for a fresh star and give them a new five-billion-year lease on life.

Picard recognizes the Tkon Empire: he pursued a Ferengi ship to one of their abandoned outposts early in his Enterprise-D captaincy. So we know they’re not around anymore, so we get to sit on a ball of anxiety and slowly learn the truth of their demise along with Picard. That takes up most of the book. When we’re not witnessing Zero and his scummy friends exerting their evil influence on the Tkon, we’re watching the Enterprise-E get its shields slowly drained by the Calamarain, who have decided their threat to the stability of the barrier is serious enough that they can’t just be let off the hook, but rather must be destroyed. Riker eventually shakes them off by just plunging straight into the barrier, but that opens up a new can of Aldebaran serpents—not only by wreaking havoc on any psionically adept beings aboard, but also letting a certain imprisoned omnipotent nuisance into the head of the ever-impatient Betazoid scientist Lem Faal.

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As the middle book of a trilogy, Q-Zone naturally sees at least a minor dip in excitement. The beginning of the scenario is established, but the pins for the climactic engagement still have to be set up, so a lull is all but inevitable. But Q and Picard’s trip down the former’s memory lane is still fascinating. There’s a powerful tension in never knowing how Zero is going to react to a given slight, whether real or perceived. He’s legitimately dangerous in a way that Q can be, but rarely chooses to be. Q, for as morally chaotic as he may seem to mortals, still has a sense of fair play and feels beholden to some kind of reality. Zero absolutely does not. You can totally see how his experiences with Zero shaped how he comports himself in his dealings with Picard. The result is that’s a little heartbreaking to see Q’s naive excitement about the Tkon passing the test before Zero steps in to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory.

The Enterprise segments, unfortunately, are somewhat less successful. Since the Calamarain have them in a tachyon-bombardment arm bar, most of what happens during that time is that annoying characters only get more annoying. The crew works well together and comes up with some cool ideas, but Lem Faal is not the kind of character who can inspire enough grace in a reader to help them overcome the level that his attitude and demeanor and dialed up to, so all that ends up happening is that I feel bad that they have to work around such a massive jerk. I don’t see him getting out of this trilogy alive, but if he doesn’t, I’ll at least feel a bit of relief for Milo and Kinya not having to have such a terrible dad anymore, even if they love him the same way so many of us still love a terrible parent in spite of everything.

Also, even with two installments down, the final book still has a lot of ground to cover. Will Zero’s friends also return to join the fray? What resolution can there be for dispatching a being as powerful as Zero that will be satisfying and make sense? Is it going to be disappointing when that inevitable defeat happens in the space of a single chapter, perhaps just a page or two? I feel like Milo is going to play some kind of major role in the climax as well. That’s speculative, but it’s a feeling I have. I think so far this series could have gone just the slightest bit harder than it has, but it does leave a lot of room to go out with a bang.

MVP & LVP

• I like Q enough in this one to make him the MVP. This is probably the most character growth we’ve ever seen from him. He alternates between chastened and embarrassed as he looks back on his past actions, and lets Picard get some well-deserved digs in here and there while letting the show go on no matter how bad it makes him look. It’s no small feat how Cox managed to conceive of characters that are psychotic enough to help us understand how Q, in spite of all his actions, still adheres to something resembling internal consistency and standards, even if they’re a little more off-kilter than we humans are accustomed to.
• LVP is still Baeta Leyoro. As late as her final appearance in this book, she’s still nonverbally asking Riker if she needs to pull a phaser on Q♀. WHAT DO YOU THINK THAT IS GOING TO ACCOMPLISH.

Stray Bits

• Does Q wearing a Starfleet uniform count as stolen valor? Cox drops the word “unearned” a few times in the beginning of the book. I’d never really thought about it until I saw that, but it would almost certainly have to be, right?
• “For a superior being from a higher plane of reality, q felt solid enough and, if Riker could trust his own nostrils, in need of a fresh diaper beneath his miniature Starfleet uniform.” Even baby Qs poop their pants, I suppose. I like to imagine them pooping dark matter and thinking about it punching a hole through at least four or five decks. Is it possible that even in baby form, he did it on purpose? (13)
• Milo tries to comfort his little sister by singing a song called “The Laughing Vulcan and His Dog.” Somehow, it makes a perverse amount of sense that a Vulcan with a sense of humor would own an Earth pet, rather than, say, a sehlat. (67)
• “Milo was amazed. Ever since Mom died, his father had been distant, distracted, and, okay, irritable sometimes, but Milo had never heard him go all Klingon at another adult like this.” Go all Klingon, huh? That’s a turn of phrase, all right. (70, 71)
• Selar and her transfer to the Excalibur are mentioned. Good thing she’s not here, actually. I can’t imagine a Vulcan dealing well with the entry into the galactic barrier. Though maybe a well-placed neck pinch might have been all it took to keep Lem Faal in bed? Considering how single-minded he was about getting to engineering, however, maybe not. (124)

Final Assessment

Good. I don’t think this one was quite as exciting as the first, but it definitely had some compelling characters as well as a few scenarios that managed to stir some feelings of hope despite the inevitability of the ultimate conclusion, and it’s got me bubbling with questions going into the final part of the saga, so overall I consider it successful. It’s still got yet to really knock my socks off, but I suspect the final installment is going to go hard.

NEXT TIME: The Continuum goes to war in Q-Strike